001 you're the antidote to everything except to me

[immunetolight]

Snoke is dead. In order to complete his training, to become his master, he had to defeat his master. Still, it's becoming rapidly clear that the more time he spends with Rey that the master he has to defeat isn't Snoke, it isn't his uncle and it's not even the entire Rebellion. He can crush them all under his bootheel without so much as a thought. They aren't his weakness.

She is his weakness. She's agreed to come with him and had taken his hand but convincing Rey to do anything she doesn't want to do is next to impossible. Even though Snoke had claimed their bond had been his doing it still hasn't been undone with his death and there are times when he gets flashes of her mind, glimpses of intimate moments he shouldn't have. He wonders what she gets from him.

He'd taken a fighter off the deck of the flagship and Rey had come along. He hadn't had a destination in mind, exactly, and settles for a moon a short distance away from the Rebel Base on Crait. It's not ideal but it is isolated and a place where they can make camp and remain for a little while.

He's fairly good in forested areas like this moon which is for the best; Rey is from Jakku where there's nothing but desert.

"We need to make camp and decide what we're doing."

Comments

[immunetolight]

“What I want? Nobody knows what I want. That’s been the problem all along.”

Snoke certainly hadn’t known and Luke Skywalker thought he had but had been wrong. How can some girl from nowhere know what he wants when half the time he doesn’t even know himself?

“What do you think I want? To take credit for your training, to call you my apprentice? If that’s the case, you don’t know me at all.”

[fromnowhere]

"Then tell me."

She stands there, ever defiant. Somehow, it's easier to feel a closeness when they're not talking face to face and she wonders if she wanders a hundred feet into the forest if their conversation will shift. She'll be able to feel his emotions, see deeper into his mind that way, but she wants the words.

She wants to know if he'll tell her the truth.

[immunetolight]

There's a turmoil of emotions in him, honestly, and he knows that it isn't the Jedi way to carry this much raw emotion around at any given point. The Sith espouse a freer rein on emotions, yes, but not the ones he carries. It isn't all hate and fear. There's love, there's compassion, there's concern.

"I don't want anything to happen to you. You've survived on luck so far. You need to be trained."

[fromnowhere]

Her own emotions are racing and she has to physically calm herself down; she knows he doesn't want to hurt her, she knows he doesn't want anything to happen to her, she knows she's been surviving on luck. He's not lying to her, which means she can - for the moment - trust him.

It's difficult.

She wants to tell him again: I won't join you, but the words won't come. She's so desperate to have someone, to be part of something, that she stands there, staring at him, before she nods once.

"Fine."

[immunetolight]

"Let me train you here and then you can make your own decisions about where you want to go next." Ren doesn't want to admit that he does want her to join him, to be with him, because he knows she'll reject it. She's made it clear to him she has no desire to be on his side in anything. They're always at one another's throats, it seems, even if sometimes they seem to work in concert with one another.

"It will take a stronger fighter than exists currently to take you down once you've been trained."

[fromnowhere]

It's an admission that he's not as strong as she is and she hears it plain as day.

"I said fine," she says again, nodding this time as if it'll help him understand. "Where do we start?"

Her bravado is false, he can probably see through it, but everything she's done has been hotheaded and rash: rushing Snoke, rushing Luke, coming here... basically, she's just as much a mess as he is and her moral high ground is going to be very shaky after this.

[immunetolight]

"Combat training, for one. I can imagine my uncle didn't give you much in the way of that, did he?"

Ren has seen it in the way her strokes are powerful but not elegant. They get the job done, certainly, but there is no finesse in how she moves and only raw power. It needs to be honed so she can harness it as a true weapon.

"The strength and endurance you come by naturally. Using a saber is more than just hacking away at something until it dies, though."

[fromnowhere]

As if he has a lot of room to criticize another person simply hacking away at something until it dies. Numerous consoles on the Finalizer likely collapsed in laughter - if they could laugh - at his simple, straightfaced statement. Nevertheless, she watches him with a focused gaze, aware that there is truth in what he's telling her.

"I've seen the way you use yours," she admits. "Aren't you afraid that we'll simply end up in another standoff if you teach me what you know?"

[immunetolight]

"I'm not going to teach you what I know," Ren says quietly, almost scoffing. "Because that style is not going to be suitable for you. I developed it on my own. I'm going to teach you the basics, what I learned from my uncle, and let you develop your own way of doing it."

He pauses for a moment. "Every Jedi, every Sith, every Force-sensitive with a lightsaber has their own unique style. It's like a fingerprint. No two are alike."

[fromnowhere]

Even teaching her what he learned seems like they'll end up in a standoff, but he's asked her here for a reason and she's going to do a little bit of listening, even if it's going to kill her.

Rey nods rapidy, then asks, "So. Where do we begin?"

It suddenly dawns on her that they're going to actually be there a while and she didn't finish getting anything to sleep on for the cave. His little mind-talk prevented it, which means that, come nightfall, they're going to be sleeping uncomfortably on the ship they brought or uncomfortably in the cave they found.

[immunetolight]

"We'll start with the basic forms. We probably don't have much light left today," he says, glancing up at the sky. It appears this system is in a late autumn or winter cycle and the available light is less than it might be during a summer cycle. That's not good - it means there's more time for them to be alone with their thoughts.

"Part of learning to fight is learning how to use the saber as an extension of yourself. That's why every Jedi is different - everyone feels the Force differently."

[fromnowhere]

Alone with their thoughts and, really, with each other. Rey isn't sure she's prepared for that, so she focuses on his teaching instead. Listening to the words he says, she nods along, then clears her throat.

"It's true then, that you made your own."

She's curious, because hers was inherited. Luke had inherited his. Kylo had apparently made his and it was slightly unstable.

[immunetolight]

"It's part of the training, to make your own," Ren explains. "When you reach a certain point as an apprentice, you make your own lightsaber and begin to fight with it. Before that point, you use someone else's or use sticks."

He laughs a little, the memory almost fond for once. "My uncle was very fond of the sticks."

[fromnowhere]

"I've used sticks my whole life. For defense."

And she's good with them, too, just ask Finn. She eyes his for a moment, then has to ask. "Yours isn't the same as a regular lightsaber. It's--" She searches for the word. "Unstable? Unsteady. Also, the handle is different. Why?"

[immunetolight]

"Unstable," Ren confirms. "The crystal is cracked. I had to add vents along the sides there in order to compensate for the overload of energy. It's a crude design, to some, but it serves a purpose."

There's no other lightsaber in the galaxy that looks like his, after all. "I have to be careful with it. The crossguard adds additional risk."

[fromnowhere]

Tilting her head to look at him, she senses the pride he has in his own saber, the one he made. She suspects it's because of the uniqueness; Ben Solo could have been one of many but Kylo Ren stands out on his own. No one controls him, especially now.

"Did you choose it cracked or did--" She shakes her head. "It doesn't matter." A smile flits across her face. "Should we fight with sticks, then?"

[immunetolight]

"I chose it just as it was. Flawed."

It's a firm statement and it brooks no argument. Ren doesn't want anyone looking into why he chose the crystal he chose, only that he chose it and built the lightsaber to accommodate its unique limitations.

"Sticks are going to be best, at first. You have his lightsaber, don't you? Still?"

[fromnowhere]

Less an argument, Rey wonders if he chose it because he saw a similarity in himself - flawed - and wanted to create something out of it, or if there's another reason behind it. She's also not going to continue the line of questioning when he so clearly doesn't want to discuss it at the moment. Instead, she exhales slowly with another nod.

"I do." There's no sense in lying about it. "Does it matter?"

[immunetolight]

"You'll eventually progress to using the actual weapon," Ren says, narrowing his eyes a bit. That is the weapon that all Jedi carry, the one signature of their kind. Surely she hadn't thought that they'd stay with sticks permanently? That wouldn't be good for her at all.

"But unless you want to be injured, you'll want to learn forms with sticks first. Otherwise, accidents can happen." He has the proof of that across his own face - though it could be argued that is no accident.

[fromnowhere]

"I've used the actual weapon," she reminds him, narrowing hers in return. On him, in case he's forgotten. To save his life, even.

Stifling her irritation, she takes a breath and holds her hands up. "When do we start?"

[immunetolight]

"I know you've used it but you've used it without training and without finesse. I'm offering you the ability to learn how the Jedi learn, if you want to accept."

His voice is a bit clipped and cold because he's frustrated but she's headstrong - this is not something unknown. When she asks her next question, he's thrown off guard.

"Tomorrow. We don't have enough light to begin today and it'll start getting cold soon. The temperature will drop quickly once the sun goes down."

[fromnowhere]

There is no way he thought this would go without a little push back on her side. She's not going to blindly trust a man who killed his own father, who killed his mentor, who killed half of his classmates, who destroyed his uncle, who--

"Fine." Her own tone is strained with the inability to voice her frustrations with him. It's true she wants to know what he knows, but she doesn't want to fight with him. Or against him, really, though that's what he's essentially going to be teaching her. There's a war to go back to once this is over. "There was nothing out there useful enough for bedding."

[immunetolight]

"We'll have to keep close to one another, then," Ren says. It's not his ideal situation. Considering that they've been drifting in and out of one another's heads for the better part of several weeks, the kind of liminal intimacy forced by a situation where they're sleeping close is going to lead to a breaking point. He doesn't think it's good for training.

It's going to have to work.

"I have my cloak. We'll use it to try and make some bedding."

[fromnowhere]

As soon as he offers to make bedding out the cloak that he has, Rey's eyebrows  shoot up her forehead.

"You mean share it?" It comes up more horrified than she wants to admit, and not for the reasons he might think. To be that close to him, with all that he knows about her, and all that he seen, terrifies her. Hell,  she's afraid to be wrapped up in his scent all night long. "I can't."

[immunetolight]

Ren lets out a little huff of disbelief. It's not uncommon to have to share quarters with others in the First Order and while her reaction isn't unexpected it's impractical. They'll freeze otherwise. Practicality is going to have to outweigh any outdated notions of male and female relationships.

"I didn't realize Jakku had elaborate courtship rituals," he sneers. "I'm not going to do anything but keep you warm. We'll freeze otherwise."